Ok, for those of you who were too drunk to remember or those of you that weren’t there, I have written a summary of the main events while I was a guest (with the staff) at the Ski world (a.k.a. Skipikey) hotel in Courchevel 1850 for Xmas and New Year 2004/5. During this festive period I spent my time helping out in the kitchen of the hotel, boarding, skiing, and getting very very drunk. There were some fun people, some young people and some people who just couldn’t handle it.
Courchevel 1850: A very exclusive ski resort in the French Alps.
When was the last time you saw someone dressed from head to toe in real fur? I realise that in recent years the “real thing” has moved back into the range of social acceptability, but Courchevel is the kind of resort in which you regularly see the full ensemble of hat, biiiig coat, and boots. It is also the kind of place you can spend tens of thousands of euros on a night out in “Les Caves”, and see Ferraris parked in the snow. Posh and Becks came here last year.
On a ski holiday in Austria a couple of years ago, I felt like a social outcast when, on my last day, I gave in to the unbearable pain in my calves and went up the mountain in……. normal shoes. Every other person was kitted out for skiing or boarding. But around here there is almost a majority more interested in things other than skiing, for example, après-ski, shopping in expensive boutiques, and posing (whilst wearing a selection of dead animals). The most outrageous service on offer is that you can actually rent a small dog for the day to carry around as part of your outfit.
On the other end of the scale there are the people that work here, people from all walks of life working as reps, chambermaids, chefs, and bar staff. Mostly these people are in town for the whole season to learn to ski and to drink, a lot.
If you are really lucky during your stay you may actually see someone French.
Accommodate: vt. supply, esp. with board and lodging.
On the Monday after Christmas the number of people sleeping in the three beds in our room went from 3 (crowded) to 5 (get changed in the corridor). Staff of the hotel, and their guests, were accommodated in the basement, and for the following five nights there were easily twice as many people as real beds. Some people were even crashing on cushions in the lower basement with the heating system.
In our room, with the 5 people and the 3 beds, we had an en suite bathroom in which we were expressly forbidden to poo (due to the fact that there was no ventilation whatsoever), and a bookshelf that was being taken over by empty beer bottles. The boys were proud of the amount of beer already consumed, and were suggesting that they get Alan the handyman to build them another shelf to continue their collection. Yes boys, I’m sure that Alan, in charge of all maintenance problems in two hotels, would love to find the time for such an important task.
On the plus side, and this is a big plus, the view from the window was across the valley to a snow-capped mountain range.
Dr Peppers: alcoholic drink. Drop a shot of amaretto (complete with glass) into a pint of beer and it tastes like Dr Pepper.
I can’t say I wasn’t a little surprised in my first few days when I realized how important the drinking is, and how often the skiing/snowboarding gets pushed to second place. It’s a far fly from my previous (painful) experiences of getting up too early, talking a lot about “first lifts”, and then staying out on the slopes for hours. On this trip I managed three hours boarding in the first four days! The first couple of days were seriously hindered by flavoured vodka, “Dr Peppers”, a little bit too much chalet red, Christmas, and being way too scared to venture out to the slopes with the ever so cool experienced boarders from the hotel staff. They went out on Christmas day, after some early morning beers, dressed as Santa Claus, elves and reindeer. Unsurprisingly Alex’s 5-euro Santa outfit didn’t stand up well to drunken boarding and rugby tackling several of the unsuspecting reindeer.
Chalet Wine: “chalet wine” is the unlimited house wine offered as a perk by the Ski Company.
Among the tough competition of the ski companies is this something that may sway your decision? I certainly hope not because although it could tenuously be classed as vino, the only aroma you notice from the white is far too similar to cat piss to be pleasant.
As far as I’m aware Harry the kitchen porter’s demise into madness began on Xmas Eve, and could be blamed on downing chalet wine in the hotel kitchen during evening dinner service. But while most people were having a festive drinking session, Harry literally didn’t stop drinking for a week. The first couple of days he was constant amusement, for example the day that he didn’t go out skiing because he lay down and fell asleep before making it out of his room, wearing all his gear including his goggles. Another good one was suggesting that we dispose of the spare baguettes by beating him over the head with them until they shattered all over the floor. He took it well. There is also some excellent video footage of him attempting to down a whole carafe of chalet white, but even Harry had to stop half way to pull a range of extraordinary contorted expressions. He finished it soon after though.
We started to think it was a bit out of hand when he was ballroom dancing with the rubbish bin down the street, and unfortunately for Harry the wine had far too much effect. By the end of the week he was out and about partying on New Years Eve when he was supposed to be working the night shift. Later that night he was also found alone in the kitchen smashing crockery all over the place. Not doing the best job of looking after the hotel! He got binned.
Zach
in the kitchen
Exhibitionist: n. one with compulsive desire to draw attention to himself or to expose genitals publicly.
Matty
Spectacle 1. In the ski lodge, in the afternoon, in the presence of children.
Matty worked in Courchevel for a season last year. He was very badly behaved then too, and obviously quite well known at the ski lodge, as the singer of the local band playing there recognized him immediately. He was somewhat drawing attention to himself by wearing a fluorescent pink one-piece ski suit straight out of the early eighties.
A high point of the holiday was seeing the absolute look of fear on her face (“oh my god, not him!!”) as she tried to carry on singing while he walked right up to the front and tried to feed her some camembert.
The situation moved from funny to slightly dodgy ground, when a few drinks later we were dancing around like idiots and Matty points to his crotch to show us his testicles protruding through his flies. Hmmm.
Spectacle 2. Calicos.
On Wednesday morning I woke up to a crowd of people listening to Matty’s tale of leaving the local disco at closing time completely naked the previous night.
Spectacle 3. New Years Eve
The video camera was out on New Years Eve. Some people seemed more concerned about this permanent record of events then others. For example Ritchie, one of the younger members of staff, was completely uninhibited and should be very glad that the video of him waving it around - lots - went safely back to the UK the next day.
I believe the main exhibitionist event, however, was recorded by my brother. Three guys dancing at midnight on the slopes gradually stripping off layers in a crowd of about two thousand people. You can see the different expressions. Matty knows he’s going all the way and he is loving it. Alex has done his fair share of this type of thing before and he is going with it. Zach has a rather more anxious expression as he realises that now he has started dancing and he is one of the “three”, there is no dropping out. And before long there are naked men on the piste, and it’s cold.
the
garden
Kicker:
What would you understand by the word “kicker”? Well the night after New Year, (the “quiet night in”), the boys built one behind the hotel. It is a jump, with a short runway, and an upturned lip to send you high into the air before landing in the snow. In this particular design you land a few feet away from a steep drop down into the trees. The hotel garden is not really big enough for this game. The varying levels of talent are on show tonight. At the top end people try 360’s and grabs, at the bottom end people land in a heap. One person lost control on landing and disappeared down the back into the trees. Another did the most classic face plant; he didn’t even land on his feet, just knees then face in the snow. He probably shouldn’t have tried it, but he’s a marine.
Snowboarding:
On Sunday, the day after Christmas day, I really was determined to get on with learning to snowboard. I was up and out by 10am (yeah, I know that’s not first lifts but I had to motivate myself with no help and let’s face it, I’m crap at getting out of bed). But, rather embarrassingly, I was back in bed by just after midday in severe pain. I tripped over backwards and “stacked it” on an icy steep bit. I made the schoolgirl error of putting my hands out and thus spraining both my wrists. This had me out of action for a further two days.
I was being a bit of a wuss though. I’m just not used to pain, I’ve never broken a bone in my body me. Martin, “it’s not broken it’s just a sprain, come out with us again later(!)” , is a sponsored surfer and picked up snowboarding faster then anyone ever. He really showed me up by dislocating his shoulder the next day and casually popping it back into place. He was moaning a teeny bit, but made me look like a right granny.
Skiing:
Actually I did quite a good job myself of looking like a granny when later in the week I took up skiing. I was very scared of the pain of falling on my wrists again and took things pretty easy. I thank my brother for catching it on video. I can picture it now, the face of concentration as I travel at snails pace past the camera with what he calls bambi legs, i.e. legs that look so weak and wobbly that one fears they may snap at any moment!
But by the end of the holiday I finally realized what it’s all about.. having fun! Yes, skiing is officially really good fun, Courchevel is officially really beautiful, drinking flavoured vodka is officially not that bad for you (there’s fruit in it after all), and I'll be back on the slopes next year.